So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
