Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
