I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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