We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
