He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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