Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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