Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
