he puts the penis in happiness.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
