I wish I could teleport
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
