Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
