You made me cry and you don't even care
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
