I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
