you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
