Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
