I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
