the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Two words: blizzard sex
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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