I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
