Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
