I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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