my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
