what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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