I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
