We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There's always time for handjobs
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
