If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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