Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
