I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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