Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
