I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
