I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
