PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
