Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
