Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
