OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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