Non-Jews are for practice
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
