She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i dont even know how to be here
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
