I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
