my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
