Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
