I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
