Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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