what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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