I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
