thus making me awesome and them whores
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
