My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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