We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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