Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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