your parents love me but you hate me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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