Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
