Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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