You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
