I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
