yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
