Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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