worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
