My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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