so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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