Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
