So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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