You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
