Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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